


Well, the 22-yr old child (I'm being generous here), we'll call him Dumas, didn't bother to notice 5'9" me, sitting directly behind him. Dumas was a young man, traveling with his non-English speaking Chinese girlfriend, to the Valley of the Sun - a short 3.5 hour flight from Chicago. Dumas was also about 5'4" tall and maybe 100 pounds dripping wet. As soon as the plane began to level off, Dumas decided that he wanted to LAY IN MY LAP. I decided to be a little forgiving and refrained from constantly kneeing his seatback, but he still received quite a bit because there was NOWHERE FOR ME TO GO. In fact, reading my magazine proved a little difficult because I find it hard to focus when the words are only 3 inches from the tip of my nose... and that's about how close the top back of his seat was to my face.

Meanwhile, I had received many sympathetic looks and quiet comments from my other fellow passengers, and even a moment of recognition from the Chinese girlfriend, that Dumas and his reclining seat were totally out of line. I leaned back into my fully upright seat and watched his Alfalfa cowlick blow in the wind. I was determined to make passive aggressive fun!
For awhile, I zoned out on my iPod and tried to ignore the fact that he was so close, I could smell his hair. About mid-flight, I noticed Dumas trying to get my attention, so I politely removed my earbuds.
Dumas: "Ma'am, I'm trying to sleep, and your air is bothering me."At this point I shrugged my shoulders, and he could tell I wasn't going to cave in. Apparently that was THE LAST STRAW, so Dumas proceeded to press his flight attendant call button.
Me: "Well, hmmm... maybe if you weren't so far reclined you wouldn't feel my air?" (posed as a true question to help him realize his rudeness)
Dumas: "But Ma'am, I'm trying to sleep."
Me: "And I'm trying to fit my knees behind your seat. See, you're so far reclined, you're laying in my lap, and that's the only reason you're able to feel my air."
Dumas: "But I'm trying to sleep!"
Me: (His need for beauty rest at noon affects me how??) "Like I said, you're laying in my lap. If you'd like to adjust your seat, I'd be willing to turn down my air."
Dumas: "I'm... I'm just trying to sleep."
I. Am. Not. Kidding.
I'm not big on scenes, but this was one situation where I refused to back down... I knew I was right, and I had even offered to compromise, but Dumas really needed his beauty sleep. The really annoying flight attendant comes our way to see what's going on (here comes the part where I fell in love with her)... at this point, everyone around us is paying attention.
Dumas: "Miss, this lady won't adjust her air... it's blowing on me, and I'M TRYING TO SLEEP."(Yeah, she was a "Miss" and I was a "Ma'am"... she had at least 20 years on me! Stupid child.)
Me: (I said not a word, but motioned at the sheer lack of space between my body and the back of his seat.)Begrudgingly, Dumas lifted his seat slightly, but by the end of the flight he was fully reclined again. Nevertheless, I held up my end of the bargain and adjusted my air (but only by a minuscule amount). I ended up watching his cowlick dance again. I should have told him I wasn't paying for any lap dances.
Flight Attendant: "Well, sir... you are laying in her lap." (and walked away!)
Fellow Passengers: (They were clapping! No joke!)
Somehow, when it was time to unboard the plane, I was hit in the head by the overhead bin door. I glanced up to see who the offender was... Dumas. I told him he'd better just hurry and get off the plane. He looked kinda scared. That made me smile, too.
I'm sure Dumas got off the plane and whined to his friends and family on his MySpace page about the inconsiderate beeyotch behind him, because that's what 22-yr old children do. I think he's lucky I didn't act like this guy.
So, the moral of this story is the next time I fly, I'm going to have to get me some of these!
2 comments:
Best story I have heard in a long time. I heart you. For real.
Oh, I am SO with you on this one.. I felt all angry inside just reading about it. If I am ever in that sort of situation and I'm with my kids, I switch seats and let my kids kick away... if the person complains I tell them I had to switch because there wasn't enough room for my legs... if they moved forward I will switch back.
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